The Nursing Agents
by The X-Filer
Summary: Have you ever wondered what life would be like for Mulder and Scully if they were old and grey and in a nursing home?


**The Nursing Agents**

**By**

**The X-filer**

**--**

"Scully have you seen my walking cane?"

"It's in umbrella box where you last left it, Mulder, don't you remember?"

"I left it where?"

"The umbrella box!"

"I can't see the mozzarella, I don't have my glasses"

"Don't you tell me to walk faster, I was…Look nurse is bringing us food"

"Mmm, hope its meat balls"

"Mulder you know very well you haven't got any teeth left to eat meat balls"

"Well if she mashed them up, I may be able to suck the little suckers up with a straw"

"Mulder, you'd keel over in a second from lack of air"

"Don't underestimate…"

'**Snores'**

"Oh dear, better get me walking stick again"

'**Poke, Poke'**

"Wha… It's a fluke man!"

"Mulder, you were dreaming again, now here, the nurse has our food for us"

'**Places food down in front of them'**

"Mmm, chicken soup"

"Scully, do you ever get the feeling that… Oh my God! Look it's an Alien!"

'**Looks across at his food' **

"Mulder, it's a potato chip!"

"What? An inflatable hip?"

"No Mulder a potato chip!"

"I know, you said that already, an inflatable hip! I already got me one of them back in the 90's see"

'**Pulls out inflatable hip'**

"Mulder where did you get that from?"

"Where the hell should I know? I just pulled it out from under my chair, I thought you put it there"

"Mulder just eat your soup"

"But old chompers want's meat balls!"

"Old chompers fell out a long time a go you just have Mr Gummies now…"

"…And they can't chew nothing! I tell you what back in the day when I stabbed that kid with the Vampire…"

'**Snores'**

"Scully? Are you asleep, dang it now I have to get my walking stick"

'**Reaches over to and grabs umbrella' **

"Scully"

'**Poke, Poke, Pop!'**

"Wha?…There's a bee on me!"

'**Plop'**

"Dang it, Scully! I dropped me falsies in me drink again"

"Well fish them out, you got a straw"

'**Puts straw in mouth and blows' **

"Mulder what are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing? If I blow hard enough I will launch 'em into space and then the Aliens will come and get me and maybe I'll finally get that knee reconstruction I've been waiting 10 years..."

"5"

"That's what I said, 5 yrs for."

"Mulder we've been here too long"

'**Door opens and William walks in'**

"Hi mum, hi dad"

"William! Hello… Mulder say hello to your son"

"I have no son"

'**Folds arms crossly'**

"Oh dad just because I didn't follow your footsteps in the x-files and went to work at Area 51, you don't have to hold it against me"

"I wouldn't hold it against you if you told me some of the secrets they are hiding, then maybe I could get the Gunmen to expose them."

"Dad the gunmen have Alzheimer's now, they wouldn't know the difference between an alien and a Potato Chip"

"They would, see look I'll show you… Hey Fro did you see the alien last week? Pretty big huh?"

"What? Now I can have Scully? You could have been generous back in the 90's when I was young!"

"No Alien, Fro!"

"Yeah I heard you! A sailing Crow!"

'**William shakes head' **

"Mum has dad has his medication yet?"

"I have no medication!"

"No dear, he hasn't eaten his soup yet, were hoping he won't find out about it…"

"Dang it woman! Go make me a sandwich!"

"Yeah and maybe I'll lace it with…"

'**Snores' **

"William my son, would you hand your dear old dad the walking stick? I can't stand her snoring"

"Oh sorry dad, remember I'm not your son, you disowned me…"

'**Smiles'**

"Why you… you can't expect me to sit here and listen to that!

'**SNORE'**

"Sorry dad, I'll see you around, tell mum goodbye for me…"

'**William walks away' **

"Why that ungrateful… if he had to listen to his mother's snoring he would have handed me the walking stick… now where's old Smoky maybe I can borrow his packet of cigarettes and burn the place down…"

"Fingernails!…"

"Scully, don't worry you were just dreaming again"

"Oh? Where's William?"

"I have no son!"

'**Nurse calls out' **

"BINGO TIME! EVERYONE!"

"Mulder?"

"Yeah Scully?"

"I'll race you to the bingo room"

'**Mulder smiles'**

"Right on woman and maybe while we're there you can make me that sandwich"

"But you can't eat them without old chompers"

"No but I can still gum 'em"

'**Scully shakes head' **

"Mulder I think I'm old"

'**Mulder laughs…coughs'**

"Woman if your old then I'm ancient, don't you love being old?"

"As long as I'm with you, I love…"

'**Snore' **

"Dang it Scully, this is the last time… now where's my walking stick?"

--

**A/N**

**Don't you love getting old? Lol**

**I mean no disrespect to the elderly**

**We all get old one day :)**

**Hope you like it **

**Let me know what you thought**

**Thanks for reading!**


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